California rain, roasting veggies, sipping a
French wine and listening to Kate Bush. I’m trying to figure out why I let this blog lapse.
Part of it is that when I started this blog,
there weren’t a lot of gluten-free resources out there. But now it’s blown up. Everybody is talking gluten-free. Every major restaurant chain seems to offer some sort of gluten-free option now. It’s become a buzzword and a punchline, an adjective largely considered synonymous with the Whole Foods-shopping, beard-wearing, overeducated, tight pants-clad, urban farmer Brooklyn residents that the New York Times loves to dedicate trend piece after trend piece to its in Style section.
It’s not just that, though.
Truth be told, I’ve been experiencing a complete creative block for the past several months or more, and it’s meant that the primary thing that always gave me solace and energy — writing – has been rather elusive. And another — cooking and food – has been almost equally elusive.
See, a little over a year ago, I left my career in full-time journalism. Technically, it was my choice but it didn’t feel like it at the time. California living isn’t cheap, and the 55-minute commute to my news job that didn’t pay me enough to afford my bills – or even the gas to get to said job – was wearing dangerously thin on my mental state. So when a friend asked me to submit my resume for the opening at her public relations firm, I did it. It was a decision that wasn’t lightly made. I cried, I agonized, I obsessed. For the most part, I think it was the best decision for me at the time. I feel less overwhelmed mentally, I work fewer hours, I am fairly compensated — I even work out regularly now, something I’d never been able to do. I miss being a full-time journalist every single day. I have tried to do some freelancing here and there but I am having difficulty with the time balance – trying to make calls on my lunch break isn’t always easy.
While I feel a huge loss of self still, slowly I am rediscovering who I am outside of journalism. For so long, that wasn’t just my career but my identity and leaving that has been more difficult than I could ever imagined. When it comes down to it though, none of us are really defined by our careers — and by careers, I mean our primary source of income. At heart I am still me and I still think of myself as a journalist and a teller of other people’s stories. I’ve just been on a hiatus.But I think the hiatus has been long enough. It’s time to get back to writing, back to the kitchen, back to discovering.